I wanted to do this months ago...

My mother called me one day a few months back. No one knows just how much that call bothered me. No, it didn't just bother me. It royally pissed me off. So much so, that I am still thinking on it. It was just about a week after her last visit here to the east coast. She calls and tells me 'I made reservations to visit Jamaie in Hawaii.'

I'm so stupid and stupidly optimistic. 'Are you taking me?' I ask, half joking. She laughs, her Mom laugh. 'No.' All matter of fact.

(All within 3 seconds I compose a mental note to my mother, one that she'd never hear even if I read it to her over the phone, landed on her doorstep and said it to her face, or sent her a singing telegram... it goes like this...}

My Darling Mother Dear... You rich fucking bitch... you who says always you have no money... YOU call me to rub in you are going to Hawaii... you tell me you are willing to take HIS kids, but not me... I'm not your kid.. I'm John's. You told me once, no, twice.. that I was your favorite.. I guess I disappointed you one too many times, huh? .. I'm not your kid anymore. What am I to you? I'm not your friend, that one you have crafting in common with. I'm not your kid anymore. If you only knew, how much it means to me. What it would have meant to me. To go to Hawaii with you. To visit Jamaie with you. To be.. just a Mother with her grown daughters.. just once, without them. But no..

You only called to tell me.. You were going to Hawaii for the New Year. I hope you had a good time, Mom. Promise not to call or write or send me pictures. You rich fucking bitch.

Really, I hope Jamaie and Shawn and the kids had a nice visit with Mom. But, I really really do NOT want to hear Mom's side of the visit.

{Do the math... Mom was willing to take Karen and Kevin to Hawaii with her. They were otherwise busy. For the price of 2 round trip tickets from Cali to Hawaii (assuming that's where they both live), mom could have asked us for 600 bucks for the cross-country flight.. and me and Katie could have both gone to Hawaii with her. Meaning.. me and Katie could have got cheap tickets to Cali, and she could have spent on me and her what she would have spent on Kev and Kar.}

My mother is not my favorite person just now, ya think?